If you’re a newlywed and feel like you’re fighting more than ever, you’re not alone. It’s common for couples to face conflicts in their first year of marriage (and beyond). Transitioning into married life comes with new challenges—combining finances, shared living spaces, navigating family dynamics—that can lead to newlyweds fighting.
Newlywed fights can feel overwhelming, but the good news is they’re often a sign of growth as you learn to communicate and adjust to your new roles. And don’t just take our word for it. Experts agree: Fighting isn’t a sign of a doomed marriage; it’s an opportunity to strengthen your bond. While exploring some of the most common newlywed fight topics, we spoke with Kimberly Gosnell, LCSW, level three in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, for some expert insight.
Is It Normal for Newlyweds to Fight a Lot?
It’s completely normal for newlyweds to experience more frequent arguments. The first year of marriage is often a period of adjustment and is one of the most significant life changes you’ll ever face, so it is only natural that you might experience disagreements as you’re figuring out this new life chapter.
Why Do Newlyweds Fight?
Gosnell says, “It’s unrealistic to think we aren’t going to fight. It’s going to happen. We are humans.” As such, there are several reasons why newlywed fighting happens.
Marriage brings significant changes to a relationship—even if you’ve been together for years. You’re not just partners anymore; you’re a legal and emotional team navigating shared goals and decisions. Common triggers include financial stress, miscommunication, household responsibilities and unmet or even unrealistic expectations.
How to Handle Newlywed Fighting
Gosnell says that after an argument, the best way to repair things is through compromise and, “seeing each other’s perspective as valid, though we may not agree with it.” While that might be easier said than done, here are some practical steps to work through newlywed fights and set a strong foundation for your marriage:
- Practice active listening: Make a conscious effort to truly hear each other’s concerns without interrupting. Validate their feelings before responding.
- Communicate expectations: Be clear about your needs and goals—and ask your partner about theirs. Misaligned expectations are a common source of tension.
- Seek professional help if needed: A couples therapist can guide you through tricky conversations and help you build healthy communication habits. Consider exploring couples counseling to strengthen your relationship.
Common Newlywed Fights and Expert Advice
Every couple faces their own unique challenges, but some arguments tend to come up again and again. These are some of the more common reasons for fighting in the first year of marriage.
Disagreements About Money
Financial arguments are one of the leading causes of marital stress. Whether it’s merging bank accounts, deciding on a budget or managing debt, money is a sensitive topic that can quickly lead to conflict.
Disagreements About Sex
The honeymoon phase doesn’t always look like it does in the movies. In fact, many of us might head into newlywed life with unrealistic expectations that might, in turn, result in feelings of disappointment or inadequacy. Many newlyweds find themselves arguing about how often they’re intimate or feeling disconnected in the bedroom.
How to work through it: Openly communicate your needs and desires, and be patient as you navigate changes in intimacy. For some inspo, read up on how often married couples have sex and how to spice up your marriage.
Differences in Family Dynamics
Once you’re married, you’ve become your own little family, which then calls for the blending of your larger families and navigating those in-law relationships. It’s only natural that sometimes, this can lead to misunderstandings and arguments. For instance, one partner might feel pressured to spend more time with their family, while the other might feel left out or neglected.
How to work through it: Set boundaries with both sides of your family and agree on what feels fair for both of you. Prioritize your relationship by presenting a united front and have communication boundaries, too. (Be wary of venting to a family member on either side during a moment of vulnerability or disagreement. Put your partner first.)
Spending Quality Time Together
Balancing work, hobbies and social obligations can make it hard to spend time together, which might lead to feelings of neglect or frustration.
How to work through it: Be intentional with your time! Even if it’s just a weekly date night or a few minutes of uninterrupted conversation each day. Check out these couple activities to make the most of your time together.
External Links
https://www.theknot.com/content/most-common-newlywed-arguments
